I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
