I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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