Where is the hickey?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
