I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
