I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
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I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
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I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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