i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You took a bar mat shot.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I could fuck to npr.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
