Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
