you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
