I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
