You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize