I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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