What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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