Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
