It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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