Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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