4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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