I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
