WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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