you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
