I'm lost and stupid without you.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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