I'm gonna have a badass scar
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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