hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
