I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
