I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
