When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
