Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
