just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
