I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
