hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
