It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
