I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
