so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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