I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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