So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
