I met the friendliest cop last night
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
