Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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