My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
