Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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