And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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