At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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