yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
