my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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