My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
