I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
