Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
