I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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