hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
