Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
