she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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