the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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