Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
