so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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