oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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