Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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