I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
