i think i have two assholes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
