Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
