There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
