Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just puked most of my soul out..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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