but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
