I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
