I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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