He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
