She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
