hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
