I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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