in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
