i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
