I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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