Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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