She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
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It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
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drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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