So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
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he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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