Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
