Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
