so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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