i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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