my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
