how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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