My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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