I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
