Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
